My top 10 BS rules. Or why it was so darn hard to follow my own track

Zoro-Feigl-648

    Zoro Feigl, Detour. A long and winding road to nowhere in particular, 2012 www.zorofeigl.nl


Follow your joy — that’s all that is needed.
And if I’m having fun, then I know I’m on the right track. I can’t wish for a simpler and more pleasant guideline.

Whoa! Stop. Reality check. When I look back at my 15 years of work life, I can see that there have been long periods in which joy could hardly be found. Yes, I was working hard, I felt committed to the large projects I initiated and as a result I did achieve a lot.

But experiencing real joy while working is something different. I was not able to experience that joy. I didn’t even know what it felt like.

How come? Why was it so darn hard to follow that one simple guideline of follow your joy and act accordingly?

It all had to do with my BS rules, the roadblocks I had thrown up so that there was no joy at all. Yes, now and then, for a brief moment, joy would peak around the corner, but it would then quickly disappear again.

My BS was about limiting beliefs, perceived expectations of others, old habits and patterns that I carried within me since childhood, fixed ideas on how I should behave and more of this stuff.

So, here’s a list of my personal BS top 10. A top 10 of believes and habits that crumbled every hint of joy in my life for your education and enjoyment.

1. It has to be really good
My big number one. Having high expectations of myself and others. If there’s one way to make everyone stressed, it’s this!

2. What do others think?
My husband, my parents, my family, friends, colleagues and others. Trying to feel joy and simultaneously trying to live up to the expectation that I perceive others have. This doesn’t work well.

3. This HAS to be finished before midnight
Putting a lot of stress on myself by having a lot of tight deadlines right after each other. Did anyone say ‘stress’?

4. One should always help her colleagues
When a colleague was experiencing difficulties with a certain task, I’d simply take over. It might have brought them joy. For me, it cost a lot of time and energy.

5. Why doesn’t my boss see this?
Preparing a speech, writing an article, brainstorming with colleagues. I did this because I felt it was important. At the same time, I secretly hoped that my boss would see it and pat me on the back for it while saying: ‘Well done!’ Of course that rarely happened.

6. You only get results by working really hard
Putting in a lot of effort for the maximum result. If you believe that only working hard will pay off, it’s hard to change that habit. Following my joy? That won’t get me anywhere.

7. Dream on my dear…
The cynic in me said: ‘Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just doing what you love doing most? No one has ever made a living doing that. Do you realize you’ve got a family to take care of?’ I can’t think of a more effective ‘follow your joy’ killer.

8. But you’re so good at that
Being good at stuff that — if I’m very honest — didn’t bring me any joy. People kept asking me for these qualities. And I kept showing my tricks. Joy? Nope. Left the scene a long time ago.

9. I have to know everything about that topic
If I want to make a statement about anything, I need to know all the ins and outs on that topic. Only after I have studied all sources, I can say something about it. Kind of not doable.

10. This is the opposite of everything I know
Brrr….. this is so different and new, this heading for joy. It’s pretty uneasy, too. Doubt enters my mind. This can’t be the way things work, right?

These are my top 10 BS rules. A top 10 of behaviors and thoughts that no longer serve me. I’ve worked through them in all kinds of programs with coaches and trainers. And now we’re done.

My guess is that this top 10 is just the tip of the iceberg. At the same time, I can feel the big difference. What it is? Three words:

Liberty of action.