‘Are you all right? Is there anything we can do for you?’ I’m at a big party in a crowded café. The husband of a dear friend had come up to me. Really worried. His wife had read him a FB post of mine while they were driving. It’s about trauma. And what healing from trauma looks like. I assure the kind man that I am fine and thank him for his concern. And for his openness in sharing it with me.
My friend’s husband was not the only one concerned. There were other caring messages from loving people in the replies below my post.
I get it. It is a raw story, just like the healing journey. It is not all roses and rainbows. It’s about finding the courage inside to really feel what I’m feeling. Including all the super uncomfortable feelings like shame, apathy, sadness. They all live in my body. And they are welcome to show up as they are. That’s what healing looks like.
I want to share this post with you too. Don’t tell me you weren’t warned.
…..
Hidden in the depths. Hiding really well. Too dangerous to let it show its face. Everything could go wrong. An explosion. A big bang. Ruins and scatters.
Anger is hot. Almost too hot to handle. Must be pushed down, down, down. Don´t let it escape. My job is to keep it in this container. Thick walls around it. All these carefully packed pieces. All the same size. Sealed and frozen. Neatly stacked.
Thank God they have been packed and stacked so neatly. To keep the chaos out. We must fight it. Keep it out. Unpacking all these frozen pieces will only lead to one thing: Total Chaos.
There’s another department in the warehouse. The sign on the pallets says ‘grief’. No, let’s not unpack those either. Let’s make sure the temperature stays low. I don’t want to disappear into a big black hole.
There are no inner enemies
A big cold warehouse full of anger and grief. The safest thing is to keep it at arm’s length. Just looking at it can be very uncomfortable. Never mind getting to know the pieces inside, spending time with them, building relationship.
Yes, it is scary.
And I am ready for it. I want to feel them. All the frozen pieces. And digest them. So that they can be integrated and healed. I know what awaits me on the other side.
Freedom. With a capital F.