Yesterday, I wrote here about the importance of self-belief when taking on a new project or task. As it is such an important part of our results, let’s dive into the factors that undermine self-belief. Today I start with my personal number one self-belief killer: self-judgement.

Self-judgement
Self-judgement can be a tricky one: it may have already kicked into my system, before I realize it. I can only catch myself after it has already happened. I watch a woman on TV and my thought is: Hasn’t she put on some weight lately? Here I am, sitting on my couch, being critical of another woman’s appearance. Not so pretty. Time to allow myself to move from this culturally ingrained pattern in my mind and start to relate with her from my heart.

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It is pretty simple. The difference between showing up and letting myself be distracted by random stuff, comes down to one thing: trust. Me trusting me means I do show up in order to do the work I am supposed to do. Me not being sure whether I will make it, makes it tough and messy.

Objections and complaints
Yesterday, I embarked on a 30-day blog challenge, I have committed to write one blogpost a day during the month of July. ‘Pardon me? You write one article per month, not one every freaking, single day!’ An inner dialogue of objections, complaints and 38 reasons why I will never succeed, unfolds. If I don’t watch myself, my last bit of self-belief will slip through my fingers.

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Last week, I spoke with one of the participants in Transition Central. She had to get something off her chest: “Carolien, I have a kind of a funny question for you. Do you actually know that I am 63? Am I not too old for this group? By the way, I do hope that I know what your answer will be…”

Firstly, her remarks made me smile and then I burst out laughing. My laugh happened to be contagious and together we had a really good and long laugh. (Don’t you love those laughs?) This was exactly the response she had hoped for.

A way of life
After we got a hold of ourselves, I told her that I fully believe that doing your inner work so that you can share yourself fully, is a way of life.

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What needs my attention right now? I have made a habit of checking in with my intuition quite a few times a day to get an answer to this very question. I stop myself, check within and listen to whatever I receive so that I can act accordingly.

It hasn’t always been this easy, however. I vividly remember making a big deal out of this intuition thing. When I first learned that I had an entirely different toolkit at my disposal to make my choices (aka by accessing my own body instead of endlessly weighing the pros and cons in my head) I only recognized the messages that came as thunderclaps with stars raining from heaven.

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‘Procrastination is my middle name,’ she said. With it, she gave me some sort of a smile. Later during our conversation there it was again: ‘Well, I certainly know what procrastination is’. This time, she said it with a lot of stress on the ‘I’. There was that smile again.

Procrastination can sometimes be carried like a badge of honour. Or as something that for sure is not going to be changed in the near future.

Here’s my take on this: yes, it is ok to look at ourselves and to reflect upon our behaviour. It actually is a necessity for growth. But never, ever reiterate sentences and trains of thoughts that are non-productive. Middle name phrases need immediate deletion.

Secondly, never, ever expect things to stay the way they are! You recognize your unproductive behaviour and then you allow yourself to course correct. This is your job to do.

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Saturday morning. The breakfast table is still the way it was an hour ago. One kid got helped out of the house for his swimming class. Second kid is here with me, half-dressed, half-naked. He is wearing a jumper but didn’t quite make it into his pants. He got distracted by a broken Lego bus.

It is the perfect moment to not dress a kid, to not clear the table but to get my laptop out and write. Laundry upstairs? Can’t see it. No, I haven’t showered yet, in case you wonder.

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Creating new stuff is fun. It doesn’t matter whether it is a homemade cake, an article or a performance in the local theatre: allowing your creativity to come out is one of the most healthy, nourishing and fulfilling things you can do for yourself.

In April 2018, when I sat down to do my daily writing, I got the inspiration to write a book. Here’s what I received (text has been copied from my journal):

It’s time to write on my book. It is what wants to get through me right now. Through my fingers, through my heart, through my typing. I’ll just keep going.

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Over the last couple of years, I’ve had many conversations that went along these lines: ‘I do have a job that I kind of like and that pays the bills. But it doesn’t make my heart sing. I want to LOVE what I do. I want to make a contribution and know that I do. Where do I start?’

I now have an easy answer to this question, as I have condensed everything I have discovered about doing your life’s work into a comprehensible book. The Dutch title is: Als een luchtballon op een reuzenrad botst. Gids voor een betekenisvol leven. (in English: When Air Balloons Hit Ferris Wheels. Guide To A Meaningful Life).

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It can be quite a challenge to initiate a new project, especially when that project is part of your life’s work. Starting Transition Headquarters – definitely part of my life’s work – hasn’t been any different. Before we know it, everything in us says the very thing we want to create is the most stupid idea we’ve ever come up with. As a result, we don’t start at all.

Here are some tips that will make it easier for you to begin doing your life’s work.

In what way can it be easy?
The first step doesn’t need to be fancy or grandiose. The first meeting of Transition Headquarters took place in my living room. My husband cooked lunch.

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I can’t believe I just congratulated the woman next to me with her pregnancy. She’s not pregnant at all! She’s just wearing a dress that shows her curves and her belly.

There it was: the epic ‘Wonderful, you’re pregnant!’ ‘No, not that I’m aware of’- mistake. Weren’t only men supposed to make such faux pas?

Instantaneously, shame hijacked my entire system. Red face, sweaty palms, a weird frog in my throat. I stammering offered her my apologies. The woman, mother of three teenagers, accepted them graciously.

Shame is a fear state. Whenever it takes over our systems, we automatically lose touch with our hearts. We are no longer in connection with our bodies and thus with ourselves. We lose our presence.

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