‘That was the very last lemon pie I baked for you!’ I remember thinking this to myself. Jeroen, my husband, had just dissed my homemade pie. In front of my recently acquainted in-laws and other family members. It was on Easter, quite a few years ago.

Besides the ‘I’ll never bake you a pie again’, there was some more internal discussion I entertained myself with at the Easter table. Here’s some of the rumbling:

‘Granted, the shape of the pie is all but perfect, it merely resembles an imploded parachute with one side off. The taste is yummy though!’

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Yes, I knew I wanted to go on this trip about intercultural exchange to southern Senegal. I had never been to Senegal or the African continent and felt a curiosity and excitement to have this new experience. I definitely wanted to go.

But boy, it wasn’t easy to make the decision. Some well-outdated inhabitants of my mind tried very hard to keep me where I was. In this article, I share some of my aged beliefs around motherhood, about a need to spend my time and energy usefully and my work ethos. Three self-imposed rules that don’t serve me anymore. Here’s how they showed themselves. And how I broke them.

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Do you ever hear yourself ever say: ‘But I don’t have the time! How on earth can I go after my personal goals and desires in order to create a happy professional life when I have barely time to breath? No thank you, no extra tasks for my chockful schedule.’

I know it. This voice can sound really true. So true that you might believe in it. Maybe you really think it’s impossible for you to start investing time and energy in pursuit of your own dreams and desires. You feel crammed with work, family duties and going to the vet with your daughter’s sick cat. The stress that accompanies this feeling does feel very real to you. And so does the exhaustion that comes with it.

However, you might also ask yourself these questions: ‘Is it true? Can I absolutely know that it’s true that I don’t have the time to work on my personal goals? Or is there a possibility that I made it up and it’s not more than a thought in my head?’

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Maybe you have already admitted it to yourself: you don’t like your job. Or maybe you are more the Melly Shum type (from the artwork on one of the corners of the Witte de Withstreet in Rotterdam): you are still smiling, no matter how bad you feel about your work. And then -in a rare flash of total honesty with yourself- you realize you haven’t been happy for quite some time. And that you haven’t done a single thing to change this situation.

A little bit painful to admit? Painful it is. You’d rather perceive yourself as the one who always takes full responsibility for her own happiness and who takes appropriate action when things have gone off-track. We all prefer that image.

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Dafne Schippers for gold! In the weeks before the Olympic Games, it seemed as if the Dutch newspapers couldn’t write about anything else but Schippers’ golden race. And then it didn’t happen. Elaine Thompson beat her. Schippers had to reconcile herself with the silver medal. That wasn’t an easy job.

Let me be clear: goals are a very useful tool to help you keep your focus on what you want to achieve and keep track of the progress you’re making. However, there’s also a drawback that’s often disguised and hard to spot. I’m sharing here my personal top three pitfalls while working on my goals and how you can avoid them.

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“Faster! Faster! You’re not moving fast enough. It is almost July!” By now I should have launched my first group program, become crystal clear on my focus for CarolienTV and delivered my first afternoon workshop on what it is talented professionals truly desire for themselves. And look where I’m at!

Grrrr! There’s some frustration here. And I know this thread of thinking doesn’t help me at all. Let’s take a deep breath and pause for a second to see whether I can move into something different. How about something that does support me?

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It’s about starting and trusting. That’s what every task, job, scary new path is about.

So here they are. The first couple of paragraphs for my new blog post. And it’s true: starting and trusting is what it takes. Starting to write my very first article in English. And trusting myself that I’ll find a way. No matter what doubts and fears might come up.

And yes, they are here. Big time. Of course they are. Doubts and fears will always be around. I don’t expect them to vanish magically from my life. But it’s up to me whether I let myself be led by them.

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